Putting one foot in front of the other

When my daughter died I spent a lot of days just putting one foot in front of the other, breathing in and breathing out. I can't honestly compare my feelings now to my feelings then but I do feel that right now I'm just having to put one foot in front of the other and breathe in and breathe out. And when I think about that I think about Sarah, who is feeling both physically ill and emotionally vulnerable right now. I think about how she is doing her best to keep putting one foot in front of the other, breathing in and breathing out, trying to strong for Julius and the baby inside her. It must be very hard.

I just spent a lovely evening with Sarah, Josie, their parents (Connie and Terry) and one of thier friends. We ate spagetti and drank wine and talked and ate strawberry rhubarb pie and drank coffee and talked. We talked about our faith that humans are basically good and want to do the right thing. Unfortunately anger and resentment too often get in the way and people behave in ways that are horrendously counterproductive. But we have all had the opportunity, out of this tragedy, to see people behaving in very positive ways.

I have been having the very interesting experience of asking people for money. I have learned over the past week just to walk up to people and boldly ask them to give me money to help the Were family to safety. If I find myself hesitating I just say to myself "What's the worst thing that can happen?" I realize that the worst thing that can happen is that they can say "No." But I am no worse off...and my envelope of money I am collecting is no smaller...than before I asked. One of the joys is that a number of people who have given me money...from $5 to $200...have thanked me for giving them a way to help. They appreciate having the opportunity to do something other than wring their hands and feel sorry. One friend, who is having lots of physical health problems right now, told me the appreciated the opportunity to put things in perspective. God bless them all. It has been a blessing to me to be able to feel like I am actually doing something.

But I don't want to overlook the help that comes from those who don't have the financial resources to give money but who have prayed for my friends. People who are friends of friends have been on their knees praying daily for this dire situation to settle down and for my friends to be safe. Friends of friends praying for friends of friends. Wow! It really is incredible. But actually, I think the "personalization" of this crisis that has caused people who know Andy who knows me who knows Emmanuel and Juliana to actually pay close attention to events that they might have barely noticed in passing. It has caused people in Arkansas who know Susanne and Betty who know me who knows the Were children to pray in a personal way for people they would never have even known to think about before. I believe that is the way the world will eventually come closer together. We will become real humans to one another...not just televised images. And maybe that will help to lessen man's inhumanity to man.

The situation in Kenya only worsens

Just when I think it can't get any worse.....

Last night Sarah called to tell me that they had received word that Julius's brother, Melitus, has been murdered in Nairobi. He had recently been elected to Parliment (equavalent to a US Congressman) and, although the government declares that they don't know the motive, I can't believe that the killing was not politically motivated.

My biggest concern right now is for the safety of his family, who are friends of mine. Julius will go to Nairobi to help make arrangements not only for the funeral but also to find secure living arrangements for siblings Emmanuel and Juliana and Emmanuel's three children. I can't imagine that if people were willing to shoot Melitus is cold blood that they might not also target his family. Emmanuel has already be subjected to robbery, jail, and plice beating.

I have decided not to return to Nairobi next summer. I believe that my money is better spent helping Julius and his family. Perhaps I can go again the next year, if and when things have settled down there. Now I need to help in other ways. My prayers go up every day but sometimes I am skeptical as to whether it makes any difference. I know, in my heart, that it does but I've been praying every day and many people I know have been praying everyday and things just seem to get worse.

I'm just being pessimistic, I know. Prayer works. Emmanuel is alive. The children are safe. God works in mysterious ways and he doesn't always give me exactly what I ask for. God knows what is in my heart and I can only pray that His will be done. But, Damn! I sure want what I want. And I want Julius to be safe while he is in country and that he is able to find a way to get Emmanuel, the children, and Juliana to safe haven.

The New Year and the Trouble in Kenya

I am deeply troubled by what is happening in Kenya today. I know that ordinary Kenyans like my friends Emmanuel, Kym, Kwame, Nelson, Gloria, Angela, Grace, Margaret, Salim, Helen, Gordon, and Pamela want nothing more than to be safe in their homes and on the streets. They want peace.

I'm sure that powerful politicians have exploited this business of tribal rivalries to concentrate their own power and/or to gain power. The people that I know don't care if their neighbor is Luo or Kukuyu or Louya (I know I'm not spelling some of this right). They care if their neighbor is a good and decent person.

I have depended on what I hear from Julius and Sarah to know what is going on with Julius's family and our friends. I have not called because I don't want to have my friends waste their precious cell phone energy on reassuring me. Julius tells us that the members of his family and his closest friends are safe. I don't know about the good women from the autism unit. I am concerned about workers at Villa Teag. The sisters and the children and the old dears at Missionaries of Charity should be safe in their "fortress."

Had I not gone to Kenya with Soulfari Kenya last summer this would have meant little to me. I would have been saddened that there was more strife in the world but I wouldn't have faces to remember and actual names to put on people who are suffering from these dreadful events.

One of the faces and names that I remember and think most about is Francie. She is seven, I think. When I knew her last summer she spent all her time when she was not in school with her father. She is shy but quite bright. To my knowledge her mother is not in her life. Some other friends and I pooled some money so that she could go to boarding school this year. She is on the Christmas holiday from school now so is staying with her father in Dandora. It is summer in Nairobi and I'm sure it is quite hot. I'm afraid that she is having to stay inside to avoid the violence. I am worried that her father isn't able to get food for her. I am afraid that she is afraid.